Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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