They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
