You're my little dorito
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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