He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
