it hurts more in the daytime
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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