So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
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Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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