WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
