And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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