If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just gift wrapped bread.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
