It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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