I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
