I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
As shirtless as possible
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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