That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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