Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
