you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
