my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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