i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
