Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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