when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
