who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize