I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
