martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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