you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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