You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
