I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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