We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
