Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
