you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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