I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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