I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
