What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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