I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
