he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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