Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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