watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
