his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
