We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize