omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
