i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
