from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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