wrigley field is MILF paradise
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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