This house was built for laser tag.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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