if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
