a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
