matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
