i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
