I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
