i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
