oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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