I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
