It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
two words...techno handjob
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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