Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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