i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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