The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I want her autograph on my taint
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
