Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
