I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
