Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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