i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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