They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
