If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
True strength comes from lack of pants
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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