"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
