Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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