You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
