Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
