I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
