my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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