when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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