She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
