He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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