did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just invented taco cereal.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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