a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
