So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
