Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
