mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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