based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
be right there i have to get my cape
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
