Soap is not a condiment
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
