dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
