my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
