that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
