Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
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I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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